I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize