she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
