He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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