I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
