Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
