pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
