Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
