we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
