Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
