Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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