On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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