rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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