That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
