Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
