Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize