Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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