there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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