Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
