Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
