Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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