i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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