Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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