I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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