R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
