my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
