i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
