I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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