my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize