he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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