need another drink. this is the easiest way
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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