the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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