Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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