Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
