2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
