Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
