I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
