Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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