i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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