Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
