he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
