Betty ford says i'm here all night
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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