Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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