She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
