Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We need to rekindle our bromance
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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