Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
