Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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