What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
