Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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