worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
