Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
