I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
