Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
