Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
