I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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