I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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