Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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