can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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