In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
