Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize