she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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