ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
