So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
