weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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