What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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