I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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