The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
