Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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