lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
