I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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