All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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