im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
