i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
