i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You're a disaster
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