Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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